"There will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance."
~ Luke 15:7
Confession, also known as the Sacrament of Reconciliation or Penance is one of the Sacraments of Healing in our Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines this sacrament as one by which "those who approach...obtain pardon from God's mercy for the offense committed against him, and are, at the same time, reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by their sins and which by charity, by example, and by prayer labors for their conversion." (CCC 1422).
The spiritual effects of the sacrament of Penance are:
- reconciliation with God by which the penitent recovers grace;
- reconciliation with the Church;
- remission of the eternal punishment incurred by mortal sins;
- remission, at least in part, of temporal punishments resulting from sin;
- peace and serenity of conscience, and spiritual consolation;
- an increase of spiritual strength for the Christian battle. (CCC 1496)
Today, Confession is an often misunderstood and under-utilized sacrament. Yet, it stands as one of the five precepts of the Church to make a good confession at least once a year, and it has been recommended by Mother Church to make confession a monthly occurrence (in addition to going as soon as possible after becoming aware of having committed a mortal sin).
Indeed, much can be and has been written about this sacrament, our need for it, and how to go about it. Anyone wishing to learn more is welcome to speak to one of our priests or pastoral associates for further resources.
For the purposes of this section of our webpage, we wish to facilitate those prospective penitents with the tools necessary to make a good confession. To that end, we have filled this page with resources like links to Examinations of Conscience, Acts of Contrition (the prayer of the penitent), and some other practical information on the Sacrament. This is by no means an exhaustive resource, but it is filled with enough information and external resources to help anyone considering approaching the sacrament, whether you are a seasoned pro or coming back after a long while away.
Step 1: Examine your ConsCience
The first step to a good confession begins before one enters the confessional with a good examination of conscience. Examinations come in many varieties and formats, but most commonly follow along with the Ten Commandments, like THIS ONE or THIS ONE. In addition, HERE is a catch-all link put together by the Catholic missionary organization FOCUS with a number of good examinations.
And HERE is a brief article with some more resources, including more examinations of conscience like THIS super detailed one or THIS VIDEO (also below) that guides you through it.
The better and more honest your examination, likely the better your Confession. But be careful to not mix up a good examination with being overly scrupulous. While it is important to recognize when and where we have not lived up to our Christian calling, we must also be mindful that the Confessional is a place of Mercy first and foremost. In fact, Fr. Mike Schmitz calls it a Place of Victory.
When we can approach Confession with a sense of God being for us, it can help us be less worried about the things we have done wrong and more eager to heal our relationship with God. The sins matter only insomuch as they point to the areas of brokenness in our lives that keep us from God; they are merely symptoms of the larger, more important problem. Sins need to be managed, yes, but the actual cure comes from a deeper approach. And the grace of the sacrament helps with both the symptoms and the root cause.
Thus, acknowledging our sins and developing sufficient contrition (step 2) are not only precursors to making a good confession, but are also necessary in the process of ultimately overcoming them and growing in holiness.
STep 2: Be Sincerely Sorry for your Sins
The technical term is to be contrite. The "matter" of confession is not so much the sin as it is the penitent's contrition. Remember, sins are just symptoms. And God is after our hearts.
In order to receive absolution, those confessing must be sufficiently contrite and sincere in their desire to amend their lives. However, this is not just a feeling. While it is good to have a felt sense of remorse for sin, contrition, like love, is more of an act of the will.
And it is okay to approach the confessional without having this entirely worked out. The Church teaches of imperfect and perfect contrition. "Repentance (also called contrition) must be inspired by motives that arise from faith. If repentance arises from love of charity for God, it is called "perfect" contrition; if it is founded on other motives, it is called 'imperfect.'" (CCC 1492). In addition, part of the effects of the grace imparted in the Confessional is the ability to resist further temptation. So, it is good to go to confession even if you continue to struggle in a particular sin. It is your desire to repent that matters, not your ability (although, spiritual direction and/or counseling is recommended for those who continue to struggle with particular sins).
Remember, the heart of our Faith is not about following a bunch of rules (although, there are rules and these are important). And Confession is not about being sent to the "principal's office" to account for our wrongdoings (although, we get that it can feel like that at times). No. At the heart of our Faith is a relationship. Confession is about restoring that relationship when it is hurt or broken. It is about reconciling to God through our sincere repentance. And the vehicle for this is Confession, by which we humbly confess our sins to a priest who has been given the authority to absolve our sins in the name of Jesus (cf. John 20:23; CCC 1461).
STep 3: Confess your Sins to A priest
Once you have examined your consience and resolved yourself to repent of your sins, now you are ready to enter the confessional.
A good formula with which to begin confession is as follows: “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been [state how long] since my last confession.” Then go on to list your sins. Be concise, confessing the sins and their frequency without going into unnecessary circumstances/details. If the priests requires more information, he will ask, and he does this not to be nosy but becuase it may be necessary in order to better understand the nature and gravity of the sin.
Airing out our dirty laundry can be extremely uncomfortable, but if we go back to the whole Confession is a Place of Victory notion, we realize that it is first and foremost a place of being loved, not judged. God already knows your sins. GOD LOVES YOU ANYWAY! But, for our own sake and the sake of our relationship with Him (which we have to make movements to amend), we enter the confessional and speak. Armed with the confidence in our belovedness of God, we should be able to speak clearly and concisely, naming the sins directly and not in a roundabout way.
Your sins are absolutely confidential. "Given the delicacy and greatness of this ministry and the respect due to persons, the Church declares that every priest who hears confessions is bound under very severe penalties to keep absolute secrecy regarding the sins that his penitents have confessed to him. He can make no use of knowledge that confession gives him about penitents' lives." (CCC 1467) This is known as the “sacramental seal," and it means that anything you share in Confession stays there—absolutely and without exception. At the heart of Confession, is a deeply personal encounter with Christ’s mercy, and the Church insists that nothing can be allowed to interfere with the freedom and honesty needed for that encounter.
We also should keep the confession about our sins, and not those of others. Even if you have been hurt by others or even if your sin is related to the sin of another or was a ripple effect of it, own up to your part in it. In those cricumstances, what choices did you have? What things did you decide to do? Did those choices, as limited as they may have been, reflect the best version of yourself as God made you? Or is there something there that you could have done, said, or showed up for better? Confession is a place where we come face-to-face with just how much freedom God has given us and the ways in which we often misuse it.
Make sure to confess all of your mortal sins and the number of them (ballpark at least). All sin damages our relationship with God. Mortal sin, as implied in the name, breaks it. It is a radical misuse of our freedom that requires a radical free choice to repent (hence taking it to confession). Mortal sins rather than being a category of kind have more to do with gravity of offense. To be a mortal sin, the "matter" of the sin itself must be serious or grave AND then known as such and still willed (aka deliberately chosen). Sometimes, under this criteria, it is difficult to discern if a particular sin is mortal. It is best to err on the side of caution. The priest can help you determine this and aid you in the better forming of your conscience. As with civil law, there is a degree to which ignorance is not an excuse if it is within your power to know better. ALL Catholics (with regard to their individual capacities) are called to a maturity of faith and the resources for developing this maturity have never been more easily accessible.
Don't forget sins of omission. While it is easier to know when we have done wrong (a sin of commission), sometimes it is harder to account for the ways we didn't do what was right. One way to understand sin is as a failure in our Christian duty to love God and others, whether that failure be through action or inaction. Was there something you knew you should have done but chose not to? Why? Sometimes the greatest spiritual growth comes from understanding where we fail to rise to the occasion and where we fail to use the free will that God has given us to do something He has asked. Even if not doing it was technically not bad or resulting in sin, did we fail to bring light and love into the world by our inaction? Whereever we have an opportunity to be the proverbial hands and feet of Jesus for others, to love others the way Jesus does, or have the chance to sacrifice in His name and choose not to is a sin of omission. We have effectively prevented the Love of God from entering. As Christians, we ought to be windows, not walls to the Light and Love of God. Consider in your examination of conscience places where you have not so much as committed a sin, but omitted God.
Once you have confessed all your sins (and, you can say so explicitly with a formula like "these are all my sins I can recall since my last confession"). The priest may offer you words of guidance or invite you into a less formal conversation. It really all depends. Each confessor is different. And, while some measure of teaching or guidance can take place in the confessional, it is generally recommended that conversations not directly related to confessing sins and facilitating that be relegated to a spiritual direction or pastoral counseling session. Do not be surprised to hear some level of guidance in the confessional. However, likewise, do not be surprised if the priest simply hears your sins and moves more quickly to assigning penance and offering absolution.
STep 4: Receive Penance and Absolution
Once you have confessed all your sins, the priest will assign you a penance. Going back, AGAIN, to Confession being a Place of Victory. Your penance is not linked to the gravity of your sins, though what you are asked to do may be related. For instance, in addition to a more standard penance of certain prayers or prayerful obligations, the priest may ask you to do something more pratically related to repenting of your sin. While this is not as common, it still can happen.
The bottom line is your penance is not meant to be burdensome. And the priest, as a spiritual father, also does penance on your behalf. Christ already died for your sins. Penance is about making the spiritual, interior movements of your heart back to God (remember reconciling the relationship?). You are given grace in the Sacrament to assist in being less tempted to sin going forward, but, as with all grace, it involves some measure of cooperation. Penance is an outward sign of your inward cooperation with that grace.
You will likely be asked to recite an Act of Contrition. It is good to commit one to memory, but many confessionals include them. The priest can also help you if you are unsure. Below are a few common ones from the 2023 Order of Penance. THIS link offers more.
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins because of your just punishments, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
O my God, I am sorry and repent with all my heart for all the wrong I have done and for the good I have failed to do, because by sinning I have offended you, who are all good and worthy to be loved above all things. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid the occasions of sin. Through the merits of the Passion of our Savior Jesus Christ, Lord, have mercy.
Alternatively, a penitent may recite The Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner" (cf. Luke 18:13)
Sometimes, as the penitent recites the Act of Contrition, the priest will say the Prayer of Absolution. Other times, the priest may wait until the penitent is finished. Either way, at this point, the experience in the Confessional is concluded once the priest absolves the sins by reciting the prayer of absolution, which concludes with "...And I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit"* and dimisses the penitent.
*These closing words of the prayer of absolution are the required verbal formula for the sacrament and necessary for its overall validity. Priests understand this gravity, but it is good for the penitent to be aware of this as well. Should the priest deviate from this formula, the penitent has the right to ask the priest to use the correct words.
STep 5: DO your penance and Pray Daily for grace
Don't wait! Do your penance as soon and sincerely as possible. It is the first step in your pathway to realizing the graces you have received. If you have not already, make daily prayer, especially against further temptation a part of your life. Consider also speaking to a priest or some other suitably spiritually informed person about other resolutions that would be helpful for you.
STep 6: rEPEAT REGULARLY - pUT IT ON THE CALENDAR
Our precepts say to go to Confession at least once a year. It is recommended, however, to go once a month and always as soon as possible after becoming aware of commiting a mortal sin. Put going to confession on your calendar, like you would a doctor's appointment or some other important engagement. Even if you have not commited a mortal sin, it is good to confess your venial ones (cf. CCC 1493), receive all the grace you can, and be in the habit of doing regular, honest reflections on the state of your soul. It is good to consider doing a daily Examen, which is a type of prayer that encourages deep reflection on the day that has past and the one to come.
Finally, need a summary of all this? Check out this video from Ascension and Fr. David Michael Moses that both simplifies and demystifies Confession.
